It’s not a celebration of narcissism, quite the opposite!

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Adulthood takes away simple joys of life — one of them being the excitement surrounding birthdays. The shriek of joy when someone wishes you “Happy Birthday” turns into an obligatory “Thank you” , lacking the chutzpah that the occasion deserves.

When I asked a friend why he didn’t seem more excited about his birthday, he replied with a non committal shrug saying that it seems narcissistic. After all, what had he done that people should celebrate his birth and existence. I didn’t have a fitting reply to it at the time…


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It has been a year to test the faith of humanity. The air itself is filled with grief, whether you suffered a personal loss or not. Every day you wake up, it’s a constant dread of your family catching the infection or someone close to you losing the battle against death. All we can do is sit helplessly, praying with fervor that we don’t beget the fate of those we empathize with. …


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I had just shifted from my quaint little school to Notre Dame in Patna in 2004. The level of education and social interactions was a definite challenge for me despite having studied at a Catholic school. Repeating the same pattern as old as humanity itself, I was desperately trying to fit in and not be noticed for my subpar language or social skills.

Then I entered my school library which was a good place to be at in the primary section but the high school one was even a step up. Thus began a long enduring affair with books which…


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Recently I was watching the movie “Seven” and after a very long time , a particularly poignant sequence captured my attention. It’s the one in which an already cynical Somerset is explaining to his relentlessly motivated younger colleague, Mills ( a particularly brilliant performance by the ever so handsome Brad Pitt), that the horror of the murders is not that the killer seems to be the Devil. That would have been a relief. The horror of the fact is that he is just a man. If he were Satan himself, the divine battle would have had some meaning to it…


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Panic attacks, tears, long hours of sleeping cease after a point .Then you laugh in pictures, go and dance in pubs, eat loads of food. And hey, you have started recovering. You just smile and nod along because you are just so damn tired of it. The expectation to recover, to go for therapy, to explore new places, to just get out of this phase. Even now I am hesitating to write this article because I don’t want to break the illusion and hurt others. But fuck that, today I want to write the truth. Not a road map to…


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I have traveled quite a bit in the past few months. I went on my first international trip to Thailand, then a work trip followed by a reunion trip in the mountains with old friends. With a tough one year, I was hoping that traveling to a new place will get rid of all the baggage of the past year, even if for a little while. But when has life ever been this kind?

When I landed in Thailand , I was pumped up. I thought no matter what happens , I will be happy and engaged. The demons plaguing…


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Just today, after a particularly draining day,I was talking to one of my closest friends, telling him that I have feel so hollow on the inside that I don’t look forward to anything. Then he asked me ,”So what next if not any future dreams or goals”. The only logical answer I found was death. If life provides no meaning, then the rational inference is that the alternative must be chosen. Only despite two incidents of overdose, I find myself unable reconcile with the idea of choosing death. The hazy memory I have of overdosing on anxiety medicines two months…


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Each one of us have fears, which if manifested, then according to us would be the last nail in our coffins. It might be loss of your dream job, death of a loved one, losing the race against time, being unable to retain happiness of the past or simple loneliness. Of course no one thinks in such macro terms. Thus, our fears are usually associated with certain situations such as getting a bad grade, seeing the marks that time leaves upon your skin or not being in touch with our loved ones.

Since I always associated my self worth to…


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Another day, another anxiety attack. Only the person on the other end of the phone was my best friend’s elder sister. She is an endearing thing, full of hope and optimism. I was just describing to her how humiliating these attacks can be . The inability to complete a sentence without your voice breaking , being unable to sit at a place if things aren’t going your way and worst of all, fearing that you are using your mental health as an excuse,begging people to cut you some slack.

You see, paranoia is a huge part of mental illnesses. Am…


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Debating was my one true love. I had never been passionate about anything in life prior to it. The logic underlying every argument with just the right mix of emotions was a delicate balance to achieve. But when you did, you felt this rush of happiness that many haven’t experienced in their lifetime. I wasn’t an excellent debater. I did not win international tournaments like many of my counterparts did. But the activity fulfilled my desire for finding a passion which was independent of failures or victories as well the judgement of others. …

@nu

Interested in mental health , feminism, culture and philosophy. Learning to value the right things in life.

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